Survival Bricks


(37.5 Minute Video)

Do you find yourself attempting to use people, activities or substances to fill your needs and it is never, ever enough?


This is a set of two videos in which you will learn of our basic survival needs and how they impact our relationships.

The essential needs of every human being are like Survival Bricks which create a foundation upon which our lives are built:  Safety, Security, Stability, Consistency, and a Sense of Control Over My Environment.

There is a major impact on the human psyche when these needs are not met, and/or are violated, and leave “holes” and “cracks” in our foundation.  When a person endeavors to fill these “holes” and “cracks” with substances, activities and especially with relationships – it will never, ever be enough.

When our survival foundation is fractured it becomes unstable and often shakes like an earthquake.  If you have ever been in an earthquake you know it is impossible to think of anything else but surviving.  Thus, the person with a damaged foundation often remains “stuck” and never moves beyond a survival mentality.

The key to change and health is the understanding that only you and your Higher Power can fill those “holes” and “cracks” as you become the healthy parents for that wounded child.


The most important part of any building is its foundation.  If the foundation is faulty, then even if an elegant home is built upon it, it will eventually crumble.  This reflects the same dynamic that happens when people with damaged foundations try to build adult relationships upon this flawed base.

Almost every conflict in marriages, families, relationships, etc. begins with a violation of one of the basic needs (Safety, Security, Stability, Consistency, and a Sense of Control Over My Environment); or, when a person attempts to have another “fill their holes” and become a surrogate parent.  This results in a victim/codependent relationship that creates frustration and disappointment – it also deters intimacy which is only possible in an adult to adult interaction.

In order to have healthy adult relationships, it is important for each person to take responsibility for repairing their own foundation upon which stable relationships then can be built and maintained.